His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
