i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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