I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
