Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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