wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
