I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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