Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
