You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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