called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
