Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
