we have pet lesbian snakes
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
