I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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