I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
