the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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