i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
