when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
