She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I looked at my own cervix.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
