I heard we made out
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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