but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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