he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
