i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
