My liver just broke up with me...
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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