No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
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