I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Randomize
