Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
