I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
