dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
It's Friday. Sex?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
