I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
