my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I could fuck to npr.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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