I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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