It was confusing and full of hummus
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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