i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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