god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
