Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
