Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
