My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
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