i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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