just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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