Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
