We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
