The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Randomize
