It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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