I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
