I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I love having hate sex.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
