apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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