I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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