We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
