I cockslap morals
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
You made out with two different species that night
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
