Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
