How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
