I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
