After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
