It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
