I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
