I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Mom said you looked used
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
