Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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